Steve’s Buttercup Syrup holds no appeal for Peter who begs him for something stronger. His request is declined, and he is plonked in front Fleabag Monkeyface. When Steve’s shift is over, Carla insists on calling “safe pair of hands” Tina to mind Peter. Once alone, she asks if she pushed him over the edge, but he assures her that isn’t the case. Despite being encouraged to do so, Tina refuses to go home; “Look at me” he tells her, “Commit this to memory and get out while you can”. She says she loves him, but he calls it pity and tells her she’s messed up if she wants anything to do with him. After being continually referred to like a child throughout both episodes, Carla paying Tina for “babysitting” Peter is surely the final degradation.
Tracy wonders what the trigger is for Peter having fallen off the wagon and this has made Rob suspicious. “Cauldron bubbling is it?” asks Steve of Liz at the Rovers, as Peter’s fall from grace is discussed with abandon. “Three cheers for family loyalty” says Steve to Tracy and Rob as they toy with the notion of an affair. “Granny Mac” and Steve pleading the fifth doesn’t help dissuade Rob from thinking there might be something in it.
As Peter leaves for rehab, Deirdre’s parcel, containing everything from his Easter egg down to a threaded needle, has Tracy “losing the will”, though his sister is uncharacteristically encouraging as he says his farewell. The same can’t be said for Rob who assures him he’ll be watching him like a hawk when he gets back.
Despite Deirdre warning them about Tony, they seriously consider going into business with him on the basis of a 400% mark up, even though they’re aware he’s shady.
David complains that he should be home drawing “Easter type scenarios” with the kids rather than using an old hanger to clear hair out of the sinks in Audrey’s. From Tai Chi on the Red Rec to clinching kettlebells, Mary has a sporty do on her mind, but it would apparently be an act of vandalism to cut her crowning glory short. Her suggestion roundly rebuffed, Maria storms off. Audrey is angry at her attitude but gently encourages some perspective.
Maria apologises to Mary whose offer of escapist romantic fiction is declined. After Todd arrives on the scene to goad her, and Kev has to break them up, Tyrone keeps Maria company at her flat. She shows him a snowglobe from Blackpool where he proposed to her at the top of the tower. It was the most romantic day ever, she tells him before leaning in to kiss him but he’s having none of it. “Beam me up” she says as she can’t believe what she’s done. She takes all the blame saying it makes her no better than Todd.
After forcing Jenna to watch baby clips in Roy’s on Wednesday, Fiz is at it again with Liz who has no choice but to endure looking at photos of the kids. Liz is relieved to be released as Tyrone gets a worrying text. Maria calls in to see if everything is okay only to hear they believe Kirsty has been around. It transpires that they’re attributing a present and text from Maria to be from Kirsty. There’s a moment where Maria attempts to correct Tyrone, but instead lets him believe it is Kirsty; surely an uncharacteristic move. If she was thoughtful enough to buy the kids a present in the first place, and apparently cares so much for Fiz and Tyrone, why on earth would she lead them to believe they were under such a threat?
Concerned Rita learns that Dennis has been beaten up and Norris tries to talk her out of going to see him at Weatherfield General. After “Some ageing Jezebel tempts him with her daring do”, he can’t believe she’s even considering it.
At the hospital Norris urges her to leave him like he left her, but to no avail. Dennis is thrilled to see Rita and reveals he’s sleeping rough again. Rita can’t forgive him for running off with “The G word”, and only came to be sure he wasn’t dead. Even citing W.B. Yeats on dreams isn’t enough to win her over, and even though she later appears at the hospital to pick him up, she leaves him in no doubt that the damage done is irreparable and he’ll be sleeping on the setee until he finds alternative accommodation.
Sporting her new sporty do, Mary can forget the pains of “sweaty follicles” and throw herself into a workout at the gym, striding beside Gail, who apparently has the waist of a Bronte sister. It transpires that Mary is more comfortable north of the belt however, as where methods of defeating burglars are concerned, a sharp elbow to the Adam’s apple is preferable to “A swift kick to the unmentionables”. If this conversation is anything to go by, it bodes well for humour as both prepare to take the self-empowerment class.
By Emma Hynes
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