Fat Brenda's Cream Horn

Hello there loveys,

When I found out there was a new bar opening in Weatherfield I thought it would be good news for Streetcars, I was wrong. The trouble with The Joinery is that all their punters live round the flamin' corner or on the same street! I mean, even Rosie Webster wouldn't be stupid enough to order a taxi to take her four doors down.

We have got one new customer though, Carla Connor. She came in last night and stayed for a bit of Freshco's own brand gin from me flask. It only took one sip and she was telling me all about Nick, Leanne and their private 'lock-ins' at the bar. I can't say I'm surprised, she's got form has that Leanne but it's a bit much even for her. One minute she's discussing the number of sausage rolls she wants for the wedding buffet with Peter and the next minute she's examining Nick's bar nuts! One word - trollop!

It's been a bad week for women in general, I've spotted the creepy teacher Charlotte hanging around the Stape house, Molly muttering to Kevin and Carla following Peter about. You'd never have found that in the old days, there was only one soppy woman and that was Gail, but now it seems like obsession is the new fragrance in Weatherfield where us girls are concerned.

I went to Jack's funeral in me black shell-suit and it was a very very moving service. Tyrone's speech in particular had me reaching for me roll of Andrex. I feel right sorry for Ty at the moment, he's had nowt but heartbreak this year. He even went to Blackpool to scatter Jack's ashes and didn't have time to go to the Pleasure Beach! That poor lad just doesn't have any luck!

Eddie hasn't been himself this week because of his Gary being injured. I left a full pack of twenty ciggies on the desk and he didn't steal a single one, it must have hit him pretty hard. If Eddie's lost the will to steal and scrounge you know something serious is going on.

I can't go without mentioning that cow Eileen Grimshaw! Have you seen her swanning about with her new handbag and lipstick? I don't know where she's getting her money from but I'm assuming it's not from flamin' lap-dancing. She's definitely up to summat because I know for a fact that she's changed her brand of hairspray from Superdrug to L'oreal and you don't do that unless you've got a bob or two. I'm keeping me eye on her and on her Viscount biscuits...three of which I've stolen. Actually, now I come to think about it, who buys individually foil wrapped biscuits unless they've come into money? Nobody, that's who! She must be stealing it from somewhere.

So all in all it's a bit peculiar round here at the moment although I am glad to see Ashley and Claire back together... we might actually get rid of the pair of them now! Result!

If you want a gossip then tweeter me loveys. If you don't want a gossip... Yer not flamin' normal!