Written by John Kerr, directed by Tim Dowd
John’s accommodating Fiz so that she doesn’t suspect that he’s a liar – again. He gets a text from Charlotte and makes an excuse to leave the house by saying they’re out of washing up liquid. Charlotte sees him with the bottle and asks what he’s doing with that – going to wash her dirty mind perhaps? John wants to leave before anyone sees them. Too late, because Fiz saw them leave through the upstairs window, and she had that familiar horrified look on her face. Charlotte and John show up at Colin’s place and Charlotte says he’s going to be difficult since he needs that job at the book shop, therefore he needs his identification to “check out.” John tells her that it’s over and he’ll be down at the job centre. Charlotte can’t let that slippery fish get away and wants him all to herself. He says that he is grateful for all that she’s done and she says she’ll be reminding him of that.
At TempUnderworld, the factory girls aren’t satisfied with the working conditions and wonder when they’ll be able to go to the old factory again. Some don’t want to go back thinking it’d be dead creepy. Janice notes that the ghost of Tony Gordon would be rattling around. Not long that Janice and Sally are at each others throats again. Janice says that they could exorcise the place, and she’s sure her Sophie knows plenty of vicars who could do it. Sally points out that she’ll ask her. Fiz has a snappy attitude with everyone at work and we at home know why.
Fiz comes home from work to John pretending all is normal – as usual. Fiz confronts John about how she saw him driving around with Charlotte. He still tries to play dumb and lie until she says that she saw her. John says the only reason that Charlotte came over is because Colin needed the documents that he took from him. Lies, lies, more lies! Fiz wants to know what that has to do with Charlotte. She yells at John that she’s sick of him sneaking about and lying and she wants it to stop now. That angry boyfriend of Vicky’s returns again, comes into the house and locks the door behind him. The Stapes are terrified now.
Fiz wants to know who this man thinks he is and that he cant just go barging into other people’s houses. Why don’t you call the police then? John says he already told him everything he wanted to know about Colin. The man knows that John lied to him about Colin still being in Canada since a mate of his saw him in a shopping centre. John says that Colin came back but he only found out about it the other day. The man when to punch John when Fiz told him that Colin’s working in a book shop in town. This information pacifies the man for now, but if he doesn’t find Colin, he’s coming back. The man leaves, and John is worried for Colin but Fiz says he can’t and that this has all gone on long enough and she wants it to stop. She says it to him again: no more Colin, no more Charlotte, no more lies.
As to be expected, Colin arrives at John’s angry with a battered face and body. Colin blames everything that has happened to him on John – and rightfully so. John says that Fiz told him where he worked, but only to protect John. So, yeah, still John’s fault. Colin tells John that there’s something he can do and he’ll do it. Colin requests two thousand pounds from John, after all he did for him, that’s not a lot to ask. John cries that he hasn’t got that kind of money. Well, he would have had he not given that tart (Rosie Webster) all the money from the sale of his Gran’s house! I don’t know what the issue is here for John. Obviously, he should use Colin’s identity to take some credit out on, THEN pay him with that money. Problem solved Stape-style! Colin threatens John that if he doesn’t get him that two thousand pounds by tomorrow, the next person coming through his door will be the police. Uh oh, the “p” word. Think fast John!
At the salon, David and Natasha are browsing through Audrey’s Greece travel pamphlets and want to know which one she’s got her eye on. She doesn’t want them touching her brochures, since there are also properties to buy in the pile. Audrey tells them about Lewis’ dream to open a small hotel in Alonissos. Can I come? Natasha says she sounds like Lewis’ business partner the way she’s going on about the place. Audrey tells them that that has been discussed. Yeah, let me guess, she’s the silent partner that fronts the money. Of course, David immediately needs to know what’s going to happen to his job at the salon. Maria arrives and hears the news of Audrey possibly moving and mentions that she’ll buy. Natasha tells her snarkily that so is she, so to join the queue and points behind her. David is just loving these women fight like “two hyenas over a carcass.” Audrey mistakes that to mean that she is the carcass. Haha. David says if his Gran is going to leave, he’d be the one happy there to run the place.
Audrey sees Gail in the street, and gets a somewhat frosty reception. Gail acknowledges that she has not got the best track record when it comes to men – you can say that again! Gail says that Lewis just isn’t the man she would have chosen for Audrey. Really? I think he’s just the man I could see that silly Audrey with! Gail says that moving abroad with someone she just met is risky, as is. Audrey says she’s scared that she could let her last chance of happiness slip away. Gail tells her then, she hopes it works out for her.
Just when Audrey and Lewis were looking forward to a quiet drink in the Rovers (that’s what home is for!), Maria comes in and tries to weasel her way into running the salon, but Audrey confirms that she won’t be making any decisions until she returns from her holidays. So much for that quiet drink. Audrey returns to the salon to do Gail’s hair and walks in to find Natasha and David fighting for Gail’s appointment. Gail says that her mum always does her hair and Audrey ushers out David and Natasha again. Lewis takes this opportunity to try and convince Gail once again that he’s very fond of her mother. He’s got a very intimidating stance with Gail and I haven’t really ever seen him talk to anyone else. How threatening! Gail’s got a better face on today, but Lewis knows that the jury’s still out on him in her mind.
Slimy Lewis goes into the bookies, as usual and asks if Leanne is around since he doesn’t want to get Deirdre in trouble. He bought Deirdre a bottle of red to apologize for what happened the other day. Lewis tells Deirdre that he and Audrey are leaving for Greece soon just for a few days, but between he and her, he’d like it to be a bit more permanent. Deirdre tells him that he’d certainly be missed around there. No, he wouldn’t – only by her! Another one that got away Deirdre!
At the Rovers, Deirdre tells Liz all about Lewis giving her the bottle and how he’s happy with Audrey – more’s the pity. Again, Liz has noticed a strange man giving her the eye. Liz thinks that he’s giving the glad eye to Deirdre, but we know it’s for her! Deirdre figures they might just be late bloomers finally starting to bloom! Oh, Deirdre missed her calling as a comedienne. The gent comes over and calls Liz by her name. She asks if she knows him, and he says she should do since he poked her last night. A few times in fact. The horrified looks on Liz and Deirdre’s faces are priceless!!! Liz tells him to get out, and of course he’s confused as Sean rubs his brow in guilt.
Sean tells Michelle how he was drunk and bored so he went on Liz’s chat room. He just got talking since he had a few drinks. He had no clue that they’d be coming to the Rovers. Michelle reminds him that he put down her occupation as “Landlady of the Rovers Return.” Sean’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, now is he? Sean thinks that he might do Liz a favour. Michelle tells him to get rid of the bit about where she works since there are more blokes coming in there to hit on Liz than there are to hit on her, and that’s just wrong.
Sally goes to the garage to see if Kev had a word with Tyrone about buying the shares in the garage. Kev tells her she’s made Tyrone an offer and it looks as though he’s going to take it! Sally thinks Kev needs to put pressure on Tyrone to sign, otherwise the more time he has to think, he’ll think he can get a better deal. Kev tells Sally that he’s not going to stitch Tyrone up, since he’s still a mate and he owes him. She asks for what? Oh, you don’t want to know. Kev says nothing, and offers that they go eat.
Sophie and Sian really want to go to that music festival, and Sophie says she was going to ask Sally when she gets back. Sophie thinks it’s best to just ask her mum straight up since she always knows when you’re after something. Sophie and Sian tell Sally about the music festival and how “brilliant” it is and that it’s for four days and you take your own tent. The “four days” part was where Sally said “no way.” She won’t have her daughter sleeping a tent for four days with a bunch of hippies smoking drugs. Sophie promises she won’t be taking drugs and that Sian will be with her. I’m with Sally, I wouldn’t have my fifteen year old daughter and her friend sleeping in a tent at a music festival for four days. That’s only, of course, because I know what goes on at those things and it’s nowt to do with hippies! Sally says that she’s not old enough to go to something like that. How did Ryan figure that he’d be able to take Sian to begin with?
Meanwhile, Cheryl is trying to find some more appropriate “day time” work. She’s calling around, but it seems she lacks the proper experience. It’s Russ’ birthday soon, and like any other kid, he wants some expensive gift that his parent cannot possible afford. Especially now that he’s down to one parent with no job. Russ is very upset when told he couldn’t have the gift. Lloyd overhears and feels bad for them, and tells Cheryl he’s got a few quid put by and she can call it a loan. Cheryl turns him down since he’s done enough for them already. Cheryl couldn’t afford to put her son in a good footy program, so Lloyd found the free one that Claire takes her Joshua to, and tells Russ that he can attend that one. Russ thinks it’ll be not as good since it’s free, but thanks Lloyd anyway on Cheryl’s insistence. Lloyd takes Russ down to the rec to kick around the ball. Cheryl gets a call from Chris and tells him to leave them alone. Will he ever go away?
- Janice noting to the factory girls that the ghost of Tony Gordon would be rattling around at the Underworld building! That IS creepy. Knowing Tony, he’d haunt.
- Sally and Janice back again as sparring partners at Underworld! The terrier and the bulldog back at it!
- Deirdre’s gritted-teeth jealousy when Lewis tells her that he’s off for Greece tomorrow with Audrey.
- Liz to mystery gent: “Do I know you?” Mystery Gent: “You should do, I poked you last night.” The looks on Deirdre and Liz’s face: priceless.
- Colin’s tooth falling out of his mouth as he says the world “police.”
- Natasha, Maria and David fighting over Audrey’s salon before she’s even booked a ticket to Greece! Greedy little things!
- This creeper ex-man of Vicky’s that Colin dated barging into Fiz’s house and basically stalking them! What a creeper!
- This poor Colin! He gets his identity stolen, his heart broken, and probably his face broken soon, and well…you know what else will happen.
- Deirdre figuring that her and Liz might be late developers, finally starting to bloom. No. I know it was a joke, but no.
- What is Sean thinking using Liz’s profile to chat to men? He is one dim bulb!