Come in, and welcome to another weekly update. This week the update wants to be a Belgian chocolate so let’s just crack on and don’t ask questions. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
Sunita’s aunties leave Manchester for Mumbai and they say bye-bye to Dev in the Rovers after munching on gristle in Betty’s veggie hotpot. “It’s horrible,” they cry at Steve’s straight from the freezer treat. And when Steve goes over to ask them how the food is, they smile and say it’s great. It’s the scene from Fawlty Towers when the American, exasperated, asks Basil how on earth the hotel can keep going when they’re providing such despicable service and awful food. The camera cuts to two old biddies at a table complaining to each other about the dreadful meal. “How’s your dinner, ladies? Everything all right?” Basil asks of them both. “Ooh, it’s lovely Mr Fawlty,” they tweet. To which Basil walks back to the American who wanted to know how he keeps the place open and tells him, quite proudly: “That’s how!” Mind you, I’d still pay good money to give Betty’s veggie hot-pot a go.
The aunties departure means that Dev and Sunita now have the place to themselves and Dev delves in for a snog but Sunita’s not keen. Well, she doesn’t yet know that Ciaran’s returned. By the time Sunita’s changed her mind and decides she wants Dev back, she’s in the Rovers chatting to Ciaran and when Dev spies them he turns round and leaves. But then he comes back, Ciaran goes back to his work, Sunita cuddles up to her ex-husband in the Rovers and all’s well with the world.
Mind you, that Ciaran, he’s chatting up everything that moves. He’d romance a lampstand if it had a frilly shade. Yes, the old Irish charmer wastes no time and he’s working behind the bar of the Rovers before you can say, well, I don’t know, something Irish. Guinness, perhaps, or Tipperary, something like that. Liz is well pleased with her new barman and the cocktail he mixes specially for her – The Queen Elizabeth (it’s a cheeky little number with a sour aftertaste) and she gives him a drink and a debrief in the back room of the pub. They get as far as the drink together before Steve returns with Becky and interrupts the cosy scene before any debriefing takes place. The women of the nation rolled their eyes and tutted. Becky tells Liz she’s a cougar, an older woman who goes after younger men.
Over at Gail’s, there’s cops-a-hoy and questions-a-plenty, wanting to know the ins and outs of texts and flowers sent to Tina from Joe. The two cops assigned to the case look like rejected members of a Take That tribute band. Anyway, David throws Joe’s phone into the canal and Gail lies to protect her son. Tina’s distraught when the cops tell her that Gail sent the text and flowers, not her dead dad. Best settle down and hunker in, this story’s going to run and run.
There’s heartbreak for Steve and Becky when Becky miscarries the baby. She deals with it by going on a bender but breaks down in Steve’s arms, eventually, as you knew she would, upstairs in the flat.
Over the road, Peter checks himself out of rehab and has an argument with Leanne in her pyjamas. So distraught is she that she takes herself for a jar in the pub in her jim-jams. She doesn’t half get some odd looks but, hey, she’s worn worse.
Tyrone’s trying to cope with having his mum back and Jackie has a go at Molly in the shop. “You’re a plate-faced slapper with elevator knickers!” she yells at Molly and asks Tyrone how long Molly’s been dressing as a Pussycat Doll. “She’s not!” says Tyrone. She is, we replied. Jackie’s intuition tells her that Molly’s got a new man although she denies it of course and Tyrone tells his mum to back off but Jackie won’t let it drop and wrongly confronts Dev in the pub: “What’s going on Dev, is it prices up, knickers down?” Apart from molesting Molly and taking Tyrone for all she can get in the most rough/camp/scary voice I’ve heard on telly since 1986: “Gis twenty quid and I’ll buy some saucy prawn balls,” she wastes no time in warming up the duvet with a nasty piece of rough. The next morning, Tyrone comes downstairs for breakfast but tells Jackie he’s lost his appetite when he sees the state of the place. Finding your mother’s bra being used as the tea-cosy can really put you off your Typhoo.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Coronation Street writers this week were Stephen Russell, John Kerr, Mark Burt, Julie Jones and Jan McVerry.
Find out more about the Coronation Street writing team.
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