Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. This week the update hasn’t been fiddling its expenses, it really did need that extra cushion. And yes, ok, it might have been silk-fringed, hand spun by the last remaining virgin in the Outer Hebrides, with silk from the hair of the one-legged mythical bozo-bird who only appears once every 35 years. And yes, it might have cost the price of a small and expensive car, but after all these years of writing the weekly update, you wouldn’t begrudge us a new cushion for the weekly update chair, I’m sure. And anyway, I can’t remember what I did with the receipt. And so, without any further ado, let’s crack on with this week’s Coronation Street update.
Before I start – have you entered the competition to win a case of the new Coronation Street real ale? No? Then have a look here.
Anyway, it’s all go in the Rovers when that Betty, ooh, she really gets on Poppy’s nerves, so much so that Poppy threatens to sack her. Sack Betty? After 40 years behind the bar of the Rovers? When it comes to this particular Corrie cat-fight there could only ever be one winner and it ain’t pretty Poppy. Mind you, I’m sad she’s gone, I was warming to her with her winning smile and sarcastic side but this week she not only sacked Betty but she upset Sean about his weight gain and insulted Steve and Becky. Steve doesn’t know what to do for the best so he does what most men do in his situation, he dithered a bit, waited for someone else to take the lead and then called his mum. There’s no answer from Spain, Liz is obviously out enjoying the etcetera along with her sun and sand. Becky makes Steve’s mind up for him as she throws Poppy out of the pub, by the hair and through the back door. Steve and Sean look on, impressed, and just a little scared. There was some wonderful dialogue from writer Chris Fewtrell in all these raucous Rovers goings-on. Sean: “You have to remember, Betty’s like a vintage wine.” Steve: “What do you mean? She improves with age?” Sean: “No, she turns to vinegar.” And as Poppy gets thrown out of the Rovers she defends herself against Betty who’s slow behind the bar: “You’ve got more chance of moving the Pennines”. Wonderful stuff.
Not so wonderful to this Corrie fan, but perhaps you’ll disagree, who knows? is the David Platt and Gary Windass story. With Audrey and Gail off to Milan, mi-laddo David takes advantage of Audrey’s empty house and broken burglar alarm to set Gary Windass up to rob the place. And in front of Alfeh's portrait too. With Graeme in camouflage up the tree opposite Audrey’s house, it’s all systems go. “Porkpie to Mr Savaloy” says Graeme, using crime codewords as he reports back to David on what’s going on at Audrey’s. But just as Gary is breaking and entering, along comes granddad Ted with Classic FM and a John Grisham novel (was I the only one surprised that Ted reads John Grisham? Not that I have anything against Mr G, I’ve enjoyed his books in the past, but I never had Ted down as a John Grisham reader). Gary’s upstairs looting Audrey’s drawers while Ted’s downstairs doing a spot of house-sitting and so Gary barges out of the house and bumps into Ted who eventually has a heart attack from the shock. Gary finally puts two and two together and realises David’s set him up so he’ll get nicked by the cops while Ma and Mr Windass shuffle around their sofa with a bad expression on their face going “Eeeeh, our Gary”, etc.
Over in the posh part of town, Bill Webster heads to a single’s bar and so does Aunty Pam, only they don’t know first off that each other is there. Bill meets a wealthy woman who’s vowels would never dare be on the flat side and she calls herself Vanessa. Bill rises to the occasion, lies through his teeth, says he was a paratrooper and calls himself Newt. Pam does much the same when she meets an industrial magnate in magnets, she lies and says she’s a concert pianist called Stella: “I was touted as the new Bobby Crush at one time. Liberace in a frock.”
Later, Newt and Stella (aka Bill and Pam) take high tea in a posh hotel with Vanessa and Gilbert. Vanessa wants Newt to visit her foxhole while Gilbert wants Stella’s fingers running up and down his organ. It’s only later in the Rovers when Newt and Stella become Pam and Bill again that they realise they could enjoy each other’s company if they tried. Pam’s not sure, well, after four failed marriages behind her, who would be? And hasn’t Bill failed in the marital department at least twice too?
With Gail in Spain(*), Joe falls mainly on the plain and ordinary kitchen he fitted and it all falls apart in his hands after he goes berserk when he can’t find his painkillers. He’s addicted to them. His lights are on, but he’s not home, his mind is not his own, his heart sweats, his body shakes, another pill is all it takes. Whoa. He likes to think that he’s immune to the stuff but he might as well face it, he’s addicted to the prescription pills from his GP.
(*) I know she's in Italy, not Spain, but the pun wouldn't have worked then.
Someone else who admits his addiction this week is Peter Barlow. Ken gives him a pamphlet (I love that word) about an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and at first Peter resists but then gives in and goes after he loses his temper with little Simon. And that now in Corrie has become Unforgivable Sin No. 34. Unforgivable Sin No. 17, as Poppy would have done well to take heed of, is of course Thou Shalt Not Upset Betty. So Peter’s at the AA meeting and he knows he has to voice those words that he finds hard to say. He swallows, takes a deep breath and finds it in himself to speak out loud and clear. “My name is Peter Barlow. And I’m a…” he falters. “Ex-Naval Officer! Bigamist! Bookie! Twin!” we shouted from the sofa. “..an alcoholic.” Peter admits. Blanche says it’s all well and good saying things without meaning them but it seems like Peter’s trying his best, for now.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.
Coronation Street writers this week were David Lane, Mark Wadlow, Chris Fewtrell and Peter Whalley.
Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/
Our Top 10 Blog Posts in last 7 days (automatically updated)
The Sun reports today that Celebrity Juice fella Keith Lemon has filmed a Coronation Street cameo role as a Newton and Ridley delivery ma...
I know it's a bit early for speculation on Tina's departure next year, but what the hell, I'm in the mood for a good speculate...
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes these are the first pictures of Coronation Street’s Rovers Return restored to its full glory. It’s ...
With thanks to the fab Inside Soap magazine this week for this lovely little story, with a great pic too. Katy Cavanagh, who plays Julie...
There's a Coronation Street spoiler in today's Daily Sar revealing the end of the surrogacy storyline. If it's true, then th...
From today's Sun A fourth Corrie star was last night said to have preyed on a girl of 12 hunting autographs at the show’s TV studios. T...
The official Coronation Street website has announced that Michelle Keegan will be leaving the show next year after six years as Tina McInty...
There's a Coronation Street spoiler in today's Daily Star that says Tina McIntyre will give birth to her baby in the Rovers Return...
From BBC News Coronation Street actor William Roache, who plays Ken Barlow, has been arrested on suspicion of the rape of an under-age...
An anonymous comment on our blogger Tvor's post about Tim Metcalfe wonders if Tim is really Faye's dad. Not only that, they sug...
Click on a name to find out more about your Corrie favourites!
alan halsall alex bain alexandra boyd alison king alison sinclair amber kalirai amy barlow andy whyment angela griffin anna windass anne kirkbride antony cotton audrey roberts barbara knox becky mcdonald behind the scenes bet lynch betty driver betty williams beverley callard bill webster blanche hunt brooke vincent carla connor charlie condou cherylee houston chesney brown chris gascoyne ciaran mccarthy classic corrie clothes worn on coronation street competition coronation street musical coronation street weekly update coronation street weekly updates craig charles curly watts damon rochefort david neilson david platt debbie rush deirdre barlow Dennis Tanner dev alahan eileen derbyshire eileen grimshaw elsie tanner emily bishop faye windass fiz stape flaming nora Gail McIntyre gail platt gary windass gary's army diaries gay men in coronation street hayley cropper helen worth hilda ogden izzy armstrong jack p shepherd jane danson jason grimshaw jennie mcalpine jimmi harkishin job vacancies at coronation street julie carp julie goodyear julie hesmondhalgh julie jones kate ford katherine kelly Katy Cavanagh keith duffy ken barlow kevin kennedy kevin webster kylie platt kylie turner kym marsh kym ryder leanne battersby lloyd mullaney malcolm hebden maria connor michael le vell michelle connor michelle keegan mikey north mikey north Natalie Gumede newton and ridley nick tilsley nigel havers nigel pivaro norris cole pat phoenix paula lane peter barlow pets on coronation street pictures of the coronation street set rita sullivan rosie webster rovers return rovers return barmaids roy cropper roys rolls ryan connor ryan thomas sally webster sally dynevor sally webster sally whittaker sam aston samia smith sean tully shobna gulati simon barlow simon gregson sophie webster stella price steve huison steve mcdonald streetcars sue cleaver sue johnston sue nicholls sunita alahan sylvia cropper sylvia goodwin terry duckworth the kabin tina mcintyre todd grimshaw tommy duckworth tony warren tours of coronation street tracy barlow tyrone dobbs vicky binns watch coronation street online weatherfield weekly update wendi peters which coronation street character are you? william roache